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Moustache Toby/Transcript

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(opens up on Peck and Toby)
Toby: (reading) "It was the biggest, meanest bull any cowboy had ever seen! But that didn't bother Sagebrush Sam none. 'I'm the roughest, toughest cowboy in the West!' he shouted. Then he wrangled the bull and rode it all the way home. The end." Boy, Sagebrush Sam is one rough and tough cowboy.
Peck: I'll say.
Toby: Reckon I'd like to be just like him.
Peck: (chuckles) I like ya how ya are, Toby.
(horse neighing nearby)
Uncle Bun: The supply wagon's here! Pardon me, gentlemen.
Peck: I'm a-coming, too, on account of I wanna see what she's brought.
Toby: (acting like Sagebrush Sam) Hands up, varmint! Or when that wagon leaves town, you'll be on it!

(cut to Nice and Friendly Corners)
Dusty: Phew!
Callie: This a-way, fellas.
(indistinct muttering)
Priscilla: What is that?
Ella: Oh, my. It's big.
Peck: Of all the cornpoppin' things.
Toby: What is it, Sheriff?
Callie: Why this here's a mechanical bull. Tonight we're gonna have a party and let everyone try to ride it.
Peck: Whoo-hoo! That sounds fun!
Toby: I can't wait! I'll be just like Sagebrush Sam, wranglin' a bull and ridin' him home!
Dirty Dan: Hoo-whee! Says here, "This mechanical bull is only for the roughest and toughest of cowboys." Hey, I'm rough and tough!
Dusty: Me too, brother!
Toby: Jeepers, I sure hope I am.
Callie: All righty, folks. Me and Sparky are gonna head out and start settin' up for the party. See y'all there!
Toby: Peck, I'll need to be rough and tough if I wanna ride that bull.
Peck: Flyin' feathers, Toby. You don't need to be tough to...
Toby: Let's go get ready. I got an idea. (walks into the house) I know what'll make me rougher and tougher. A really big cowboy hat! (his hat goes down to his mouth; laughs) Peck? Where'd you go?
Peck: (grunts) Toby!
Toby: Uh, okay, maybe I don't need a bigger cowboy hat. Maybe what I need is a cowboy belt! (tries to put on the belt; grunts; the belt falls off)
Peck: Cornflabbit, Toby. Tryin' to look tough is just makin' ya look silly.
Toby: Hey, what's that? Wow, a genuine cowboy mustache!
(Song: A Genuine Cowboy Mustache)
The Prairie Dogs: A genuine cowboy mustache
Toby: (gruff voice) I'm Moustache Toby, the roughest, toughest cactus in the West! (normal voice) I love it, love it, love it! That there's one cowboy cactus who can ride a mechanical bull. (chuckles) Wait till everyone sees how rough and tough I am. Come on, Peck! Thanks, Uncle Bun.
Uncle Bun: Toby, watch out! Oh, carrot sticks.

(cut to the town)
(Song: My Moustache and Me)
Toby: Hey there, pardners look at me
I'm tough as a fella can be
Name is Moustache Toby yes, siree
Now I'm rough and tough
The cowboy cactus, that's me
When I ride that bull tonight
It'll be quite a sight
My mustache makes me rough and tough, you see
Life is so much better
Now that we're together
Yes, my mustache and me
Yes, my mustache and me
(grunts as he tries to open a door)
Peck: Toby, what in tarnation are you doin'?
Toby: Goin' into Ella's, tough guy style. Got a hankerin' for some milk. (walks into Ella's saloon) Howdy, folks.
All: Hmm?
Ella: Toby?
Toby: Oh, that's, uh, Moustache Toby now, Ella. The roughest, toughest cactus in the West. Milk for me and Peck! (chuckles) Please.
Ella: Here ya go, fellas.
Peck: Thank you kindly, Ella. (slurps)
Toby: (spills milk on his mustache)
Peck: Tumblin' tailfeathers, Toby. Ya can't even drink milk with that moustache on. Just take it off.
Toby: Pardner, I'm never takin' this off. (chuckles) I'll just use a straw instead. (the straw doesn't work) Ah, well, I'm not thirsty anyway. But I am hungry!
Peck: You sure look messy with popcorn in your mustache.
Toby: Tough guys like me don't mind lookin' messy. It makes me seem tougher. And I need to be rough and tough to ride that mechanical bull.
Peck: (sighs) If you say so. Anyhoo, we'd best head out. The party's startin' soon!
Toby: (LAUGHS) Yippee! Ooh. I mean, let's go. (him and Peck walk out the door) Whoa! Whoa!
Mr. Dillo: (chuckling) That's quite a look for you, Toby. (chuckles)
Toby: Name's "Moustache Toby" now, Mr. Dillo.
Peck: Cornflabbit, Toby!
Toby: Peck? Gee, Peck. Why ya layin' on the ground?
Peck: (groaning)
Priscilla: My love birds! My love birds! Oh, please come back! Whew! Toby, thank goodness you're wearin' that mustache! My lovebirds just love it!
Peck: (notices the birds on "Toby's" mustache) Feel rough and tough with birds in your mustache?
Toby: I reckon a cowboy can be rough and tough and still help a friend.
Priscilla: Thank you kindly, Toby. See ya at the party!
Toby: Goodbye, ma'am.
Peck: Come on. And this time, walk behind me.

(cut to the party. It's night time now.)
(indistinct talking)
Callie: Wish me luck, folks. Here I go!
(all cheering)
Peck: (barely audible) Hold on, Sheriff!
(all cheering)
Ella: Hey, y'all. I brought refreshments. Oh! (her milk bottles are suddenly thrown in the air)
Toby: Whoops.
Ella: Good heavens!
Callie: Yee-haw! (gets milk spilled on her) Leapin' lassos!
Peck: Oh boy.
All: Aw, shucks.
Ella: It stopped.
Toby: Oops.
(Song: Toby's Moustache is Ruining the Day)
The Prairie Dogs: Toby's big ol' mustache
Is gettin' in the way
But he won't take it off
And now it's ruining the day
Mr. Dillo: (repairing the broken mechanical bull and asking Doc for tools) Hammer. Screwdriver. Pliers.
Toby: Think you can fix him?
Mr. Dillo: Uh, pardon me, Toby. But your mustache is blocking our view.
Toby: Oh. Sorry.
Callie: Moustache Toby, may I have a word? Partner, I know you think your mustache makes you rough and tough, but it's causing problems. Maybe you should take it off.
Toby: I can't, Sheriff. I need to be rough and tough to ride the bull.
Callie: Aw, shucks, I think you've already got what it takes. Mustache or not.
(all cheering)
(Dirty Dan and Dusty are riding the mechanical bull)
Dirty Dan: Hold on, big brother!
Callie: Looks like our bull is fixed!
Toby: And the party's back on!
Peck: Hold on there, fellas!
Dirty Dan and Dusty: Whoa! Whoa! (grunts and lands in a haystack)
Dirty Dan: Hoo-whee!
Dusty: That was fun!
Toby: Wow! Dirty Dan and Dusty couldn't stay on, and they're the roughest, toughest cowpokes I know!
Callie: Nice riding, fellas! All right, Toby. You're next.
Toby: One cowboy cactus ready to ride. This bull will never toss me! (hops on the bull) (gets tilted left) Whoa. (gets tilted right) Whoa. (he loses his balance) Whoa!
Dusty: (barely audible) Uh-oh.
Ella: That moustache is so big, Toby can't stay in the saddle!
Toby: WWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOAAAAAOOOAAAAOOAA!!!!!!!!!!
Doc: Look out for the bull. Bull on the loose! Look out!
(everyone talking)
Toby: (yelling) Jeepers!
Callie: Watch out, everyone!
Toby: Look out!
(Uncle Bun and Farmer Stinky save Tio Tortuga)
Peck: (screams) Toby! Stop that bull!
Toby: I can't, Peck!
Ella: Sweet buttermilk!
Peck: (yells)
Dirty Dan: Ooh! Look out!
Dusty: Here it comes! Whew!
Dirty Dan and Dusty: (chuckle)
Peck: (screams)
Priscilla: My hat!
Callie: Looks like that bull needs a roundin' up! (swings her Magic Lasso)
Toby: (screams)
Callie: Yee-haw!
(all cheering)
Toby: (chuckles) Whoopsie. I'm real sorry for all the trouble my mustache and me caused.
Callie: We forgive you, Toby. Hope ya see you don't need that mustache to be tough.
Peck: Aw, shucks, you don't need to be tough at all.
Toby: (chuckles) You're right. So long, mustache!
Priscilla: Oh, dear!
Toby: Let's try this again.
(all cheering)
Peck: Now that's a genuine cowboy cactus if ever there was!
(Song: He's a Genuine Cowboy Cactus)
The Prairie Dogs: He's a genuine cowboy cactus
(all cheering)
Toby: Yee-haw!

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